A Love Letter


Dear Me,

So, we’ve known each other an awfully long time. Our entire life’s to be exact and it hasn’t always been plain sailing. I am writing to you today because I am proud of you though you don’t always feel that way. You need to remember that I love you.

I love the way you look, with your messy hair and dimpled cheeks. You may corrode at your self esteem by picking flaws but you’ve changed the things you’ve hated before and I know you have the will to do so again.

I love the way you laugh. Some days you’re a double of Jimmy Carr, others it’s so outrageous that you can’t stop. It’s infectious and makes others smile.

I love the way you take time for others. Your main priority is how others feel and what you can do as an individual to help, even at a loss to yourself.

I love the way you dance, dress as a unicorn and make a total fool out of yourself in public. You know everyone else is so absorbed in their own drama to care, the ones that do laugh or think of you as an idiot. But hey! You’re you!

I love the passion you have for your interests. Drama and politics, writing and performing. You come alive when you indulge yourself and seem to melt into happiness.

I love how you surround yourself with only the best people. You take time to ease out of toxic situations and people. You understand that live is to be enjoyed.

I love how you’ve grown. You’re growing out of your depression, you’ve grown out of your horrid habits, you grow and develop into a better person daily.

I love how you love. To the soul. Love is your life power and you wish to spread it to those that need it. You love with passion and grace and those that have your love are lucky.

I love your fight. Through everything especially over the past year you kept fighting even when there was no point.

I love how you question. I love how safe you make a situation yet not afraid to rock the boat. Even with stupid and completely inappropriate questions.

I love your need to read. You pick up a book daily and truest love immersing yourself in someone’s fantasy.

I love your foul mouth. The way you swear all the time and don’t give two fucks. Wanker.

I love that your confused. That your scared. That your lovely. I love everything about you. You make me smile.

I love you,

C

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Advice From An Old Friend


And here comes the ramble…

I will apologise for the quite rambling and raw writing. I do write professionally however when I write on a personal level, I tend to fuck up… bare with me folks…

An old friend reappeared in my life around 6 months ago, I have known D for about 7 years however we didn’t commit to a friendship after our relationship ended. Now to back up a little… we first encountered one another in university. He was/is fit as fuck… we dated for a little while, we broke up in the snow… I was heartbroken. 

Our friendship has been one based predominantly online, through Facebook, every now and then we would swap numbers, attempt to meet up, life would get in the way. He was in and out of relationships, I was in a steady one for 6 years. 

Let’s be honest here and now. Every person on this planet fantasises someone… for me it was D. It still is. I am still the naive 18 year old that feels lucky he speaks to me. That’s something I am so unsure I wish to change, some days I feel I need to stop, it’s unhealthy for me mentally however I enjoy it. It’s wrong but don’t judge me, everyone had that one person that gets in the way of rationality.

D and I spoke online, swapped numbers, text all the time. Then we decided to see one another face to face. He came to see me in my town, it was like every dream come true. We spoke about everything over the following months, recently though things have changed. He found someone he is genuinely head over heels for. 

This in one way breaks my heart… I’m a dreamer, it’s a flaw I would not change. On the other hand, I am pleased. I don’t feel like I am good enough for that man. I am glad he has found someone he is happy with. Excuse me whilst I curse her name and then bork at my own sappy writings.

This mix of fantasy surrounding D and reality of our friendship makes his words take a meaning close to my heart, well my soul, if one can speak so um, neo-romantically.

D has taught me so much about life since he reappeared in the shitstorm of my life.

  • Stop apologising 
  • Humans can be shits
  • Poop like a unicorn
  • Don’t be afraid to be yourself
  • Don’t be afraid to better yourself
  • Get angry

As you can tell from just some of his advice there… I am a passive individual. I lack the ability to be mean, well the majority of the time. I am also someone who became a product of my past relationship. I stopped being me. The me that was as open and welcoming and crazed as I used to be. I will expand on this in another post sometime…

His most important piece of advice was to…

STAY IN BED. SLEEP.

That is something I do not do. I am a single mother raising my brother and my child. I have no family and a very small friend group. I regularly commit myself to 20 hour days with work, meetings for my brother and well dreaming. 

D taught me to take a step back. Sleep it off. Don’t take everything on all at once. The world will still be there (well, there’s Trump to worry about now) and relax. D sleeps a lot, that is why he is a better person than me. 

Advice from an old friend is priceless. Never stop pressing snooze.